2020: The Year of ___________

Dear 2020, I have so many things to say about you. And also, nothing to say, because you've left me speechless. What was supposed to be an amazing year turned out to be my least favorite of the 28 years that I have lived. Not even two full days into March and I narrowly missed getting hit by the tornado that tore apart Nashville and middle TN. Who knew that was only the beginning. 

After a mandatory work from home until further notice, I made it a few weeks before driving up to PA before I got stuck in Nashville with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Less than a month after being in Hershey, I was furloughed for four months, because Covid and senior citizens don't exactly go hand in hand. 

Now don't get me wrong - it hasn't been all dark rainclouds, there's been some sunshine along the way. On March 30th, my sister and now brother-in-law decided that they wanted to get married. That night. Four weeks early. Thankfully, my experience in event planning came in hand, and we planned and set up a wedding in less than four hours. And it was beautiful and it was perfect. Stephen Gallagher, a professor from Messiah College (well, I guess University now) was their officiant for the ceremony. And even though he could only be Facetimed in, I will never forget what he said: "we know this is quite the departure from what you had anticipated, but it is sacred, high and holy, nonetheless." And he was right. 

April brought my mom's birthday, which was full of delicious food and a game that took actual hours to complete. Easter soon followed, and we made eggs, streamed our church service and had an Easter egg hunt - and it was amazing. Probably didn't hurt that my mom had a special egg for each of us, with actual paper money in it. While the next few days and weeks were difficult, wrestling with the reality that I was furloughed, we still had some sunshine. And actual, real sunshine, too! Our pool was open and the weather was great in May. We celebrated Mother's Day - mom cooked, oops - with the whole family; something that hadn't happened in a long time with my brother having lived in Grenada and myself in Nashville. 

All things come to an end at some point, and the sun disappeared on May 21st when I learned that my uncle had passed away. Even now as I write this, it still feels surreal. We were lucky to see him once a year, as he lived in Maine. The last time I saw him was Thanksgiving 2018. And now, I wouldn't get to again. Surely, this isn't real. But it was; it is. I didn't know how to cope, how to feel, what to think. The "what if" questions started flooding my mind, as if he would still be here if everything had gone differently. But, that's not how it works. I am consoled by one thing, in that he passed peacefully. A few weeks later, I made the trip to Maine with my parents to take care of his "personal effects." It was a long, tough, emotional week. But I wouldn't take back going - our rest day was spent at Acadia and downtown Bar Harbor. And it refreshed my soul. I took a picture on "Big Boulder" which was a tradition when I was growing up. We overlooked Cadillac Mountain and all the islands and scenery below. In Bar Harbor, we visited some shops and actually got to eat INSIDE a restaurant. Throughout the day, memories from my childhood appeared, and brought me joy amdist the sorrow. 

Father's Day brought our family together again. Dad cooked - us kids didn't do a great job of giving our parents the day off for each of their "holidays." I got to see my Grandma and Grandpa for the first time since Christmas. And all my aunts and uncles and cousins. Family is so important to me - it's kind of hard to escape it anyway when there are 50+ people on one side of the family alone - so getting to spend the day with them was a true gift. It's a crazy bunch, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. The other side of the family is smaller by the dozens; my Grammy is the only one who lives in PA. We didn't get to celebrate her birthday in person - gotta love retirement communities right now. But, we called and sang happy birthday and sent cards and got to Facetime with her.

At this point, there is about 2 months left of the furlough. I'm still in PA with my family. What I did not expect, at all, was a phone call from the company leadership informing me that my "position had been eliminated." It had nothing to do with job performance, and everything to do with Covid. I was numb. I hadn't thought through the possibility of this happening. Leaving my job was never a plan; not unless I ever got married and settled down. WHAT WAS HAPPENING!!!! There were a few weeks until my official last day, but as I had been furloughed for the previous 2.5 months, there were no projects to finish, no conversations to close. Instead, it was pulling all of my work equipment together and shipping it back to the office. Of all the jobs I had taken since moving to Nashville in 2015, this was my favorite. It was my life and had become a passion. And just like that, it was gone. I still have a very small flicker of hope that things will change and I'll get to go back. But, Covid. 

The next explosion of sunshine didn't come for a few weeks, but it was worth the wait. My sister and brother-in-law got to have their originally planned wedding, of course with a few tweaks to abide by Covid rules. It was ANOTHER beautiful ceremony. And this time, friends and family from all walks of life got to attend in person. Even though it was 8 million degrees outside and everyone melted during the reception, it was still an amazing day. And we got donuts for dessert. Duck Donuts. *insert hashtag about winning*

A week later, we made our way to Bethany Beach - a tradition that has been taking place every year since my mom was a kid. The week was filled with delicious food, great weather, family and friends, cornhole galore and many memories made. There were also biting flies and sea lice (aka tiny baby jellyfish that attack you relentlessly), but I do my best to block that out. Since then, we've had a few more family reunions, short weekend vacations, pool parties and bonfires. And the cherry on top: my brother got engaged a few weeks ago to the most incredible gal. Girl? Lady? Woman? I'm never sure what to call a 28 year old female. Liz - you're an awesome human and my brother is beyond lucky to get to spend the rest of his life with you.

So why did I give an almost day by day, overly detailed explanation of my last six months? Because, even after riding the craziest rollercoaster that life could throw at me, I managed to get off in mostly one piece, with only a few scars from the ride. This year has been rough. At times, it's been absolutely awful; at others, it's been beautiful and wonderful and just really good. I don't know what the rest of 2020 has to give, but to be honest, I'm kind of hoping that it's more like a chill ride instead of a thrill ride. Like the ladybug ride at HersheyPark. To those of you who have also been on what feels like the neverending rollercoaster, know that there is an end. It just may take longer for some to get there. 

Amid all of this, I found things to take my mind off the chaos and uncertainty and fear. I have been a puzzling fiend - currently the 1,000 piece photomosaic puzzle is taking lots of time, patience and the use of a magnifying glass. I also took up baking bread, making my own starter from scratch. And now that I'm basically a professional - look out Paul Hollywood - it's not long after the last loaf has been eaten that my dad is "just out of curiousity" wondering when I'll be making more. Learning and trying new things has been the breath of fresh air, the calm in the storm for me over the last 6 months. I honestly don't know what's next, and while I'm not giving up, I'm also not worrying and letting my fear consume me. God has been with us through it all: the good, the bad and everything in between. 

The world has seen a lot of turmoil this year, but beauty has also risen from the ashes. It may feel like the ashes are ever present, but beauty will continue to come and Christ's greatness will shine, just as the sun.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good new to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion - to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." -Isaiah 61:1-3

I'm Still Me

It's funny how life works.

My last post ushered in the third and final month of WinterJam. March flew by, and suddenly the tour was over and we were homeward bound. We pulled back into Nashville on Easter morning and I had the privilege of spending the day with some close friends before packing for a month back in PA. Once again, I made the decision to drive back, rather than fly. I must be good at blocking out the "terrible" parts of making that drive alone, because I convinced myself it'd be fine and dandy. To be honest, it actually was fine for the most part. I stopped in Wytheville as I do every year and ate at Cracker Barrel by myself as I've done so many times before. Twelve plus hours later, I finally made it to my Pennsylvania home.

The first weekend home, I was left to myself; my parents and brother were all in Virginia and my sister was at school. So it was me and the dog. Staying at home alone doesn't always sit well, so we slumbered in my parent's room for the weekend. And it was glorious. So much better than the twin bed that was waiting for me. The next few days paged slowly by- I slept a ton, saw extended family for a belated Easter gathering, drove 2 hours to see my great-grandma, saw a concert with my brother and friends, had a few *much-needed* shopping trips with mom, spent time with my best friend from college.

Remember how I said it's funny how life works? In my last blog post, I wrote that I felt there was a fog hanging over me. That anxiety was getting in the way of daily routines, common sense. After two rather emotional conversations with my parents, I saw my doctor. We talked, we listened. And I walked out of the office with a diagnosis of depression and anxiety.

I can't say I was completely shocked. But it was said out loud, written in my chart. I have depression. It's not an easy thing to admit to oneself, let alone anyone else. Keeping it to myself, though, hasn't helped the anxiety. There's a strange balancing act of putting it out there and wanting to keep it locked inside because of the societal implications of telling people. But, without recognizing it, no one knows or understands why some days I don't want to leave my bed, and other days I want to get dressed up (or at least dressed in something other than sweatpants) and live life.

It's back and forth. Some days are really good, and other days it's the complete opposite. This weekend was a good few days. Long and tiring and full of being outdoors, but it was good. Today, I might lay low. The rainy weather doesn't usually help, so my motivation is not at an all-time high. That said, I've cleaned the house and worked on bills. Maybe I'll read a book or bake some of my famous banana bread. And I'll probably stay in comfy clothes because I can.

At the end of every day, I'm thankful for another day; for parents who listened and gave advice and got me the help I needed; for the friends who have and are supporting on this new journey I'm navigating.

Being home in PA was good for me- for so many reasons. Living so far away from all of my family has made me so much more appreciative for the time I get to spend with them. Whether it was a Sunday lunch with my dad, movie marathon with my mom, board games with my siblings or even snuggling with my puppy, it was good. And I am so thankful.

May is somehow quickly coming to an end. It'll be Christmas before we know it- don't worry mom, I'll get you my list soon. ;) But in all seriousness, May is almost over and I recently became aware that May is Mental Health Awareness month. The color associated with this awareness is green, which happens to be my favorite color. Always has been, always will be. I'm still learning a lot about all of this, but what I do know is that mental health issues can look different for every person. Every time I see green now, I take a moment to simply reflect. And to thank God even more for life and for the help I know He'll give as I start this new journey.

Frozen Fish No More

Last night I had to run to the grocery store to stock up on stuff for this next run of the WinterJams. Thankfully - praise the lamb - it's only a three-day run.

I had a list of what I needed, and only added one extra aisle. In the midst of getting what I actually needed, and the two things that I added to my list, I suddenly realized that I had been in the grocery store for upwards of 40 minutes. My list was simple and I knew exactly where everything was. In fact, the number of items I shoved in my basket would have allowed me to get in the "less than 15 items" line. And yet, with less than 15 items and almost 40 minutes later, I found myself wandering around like a lost child, deep in thought.

I started questioning everything. My "career", relationships, the items in my shopping cart on Amazon waiting to be purchased that I probably don't need, the reality that I'm still sick a month later, that all I really want is to go back home and hug my family and snuggle with my dog, and so much more. When I realized I hadn't added anything to my basket for a while, I found myself in the pots and pans aisle. I wasn't shopping for pots and pans. I looked down to my basket and saw the defrosting salmon filets my roommate was patiently waiting for at home and made a quick dash to the checkout line.

Most days it feels like I'm walking through a fog, and I so badly want it to be sunny and clear. I wish my questions were answered, that my doubts and insecurities would fade away, that I wouldn't have to hold my breath at the end of every month when the bills are due, that I could afford to fly home to see my family. And yet, here we are. Of course, I know full well that things could be incredibly worse, and that realistically, I'm probably "fine." But, I gotta be honest...it doesn't feel that way.

In talking with two people last night, they both reminded me that this is normal. We all have these times in our lives when bad seems - or at least feels - to outweigh the good. That the fog is going to be a little heavier before it breaks and allows the sun to shine. But, that most importantly, in all of this, it's okay to take time for me, and to work on me. I don't really know what that entails quite yet, but I do know that some of what it will require is going to stretch me. A lot.

I never know who actually reads this, but even if it's only one handful of people, I want you to know a few things. First, this isn't meant to be a "woe is me" post - in fact, this blog is an outlet for me, and it also just happens to be a way to keep people updated on the craziness that is Ellie. Second, in writing this specific post, I'm realizing it's okay to not always be 100%...in fact, it's just not possible. Because when we try to achieve that level all the time, we wear ourselves out even more. And so for my friends who wonder why I don't do anything on our off days, it's because I need time for me. Because without that time, I would most likely be a bear when we got back on the road. Third, I know that it's going to take time to work on my never-ending list of unanswered questions, doubts...life stuff. But, I also know that I'll get there eventually. It's just going to take time, patience (Lord, please grant it) and honesty with myself and others.

We only have three weeks left of WinterJam, and I want to do my best to make the most of it. There are still going to be days that are harder for me than others. I'm already dreading getting out of my bunk tomorrow. But by the grace of God and the love of my family and friends, I know that everything's going to be alright. I simply need to give it time.

Today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. I hope you know I'm grateful for all of you out there.


Yours until further notice,
Ellie

26 And Pixie Stix

I should note: none of this blog has anything to do with pixie stix. Michelle just made it rhyme and I liked it. But I do have a pixie cut, so I guess it kinda works.

Anyway...

As a kid, I remember thinking that it was going to take forever until I turned twenty-anything. Now that I'm 26, the next milestones don't feel so far away. That said, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my twenties before they're gone. Forever.

Unlike last year, I got to spend my actual birthday off the road and in Nashville. The morning was spent having the ultimate girls day - splurging on breakfast, a mini shopping spree and manicures. While on said shopping spree, Corey, Michelle and I experienced something called Dragon's Breath. And well, it was certainly interesting - strawberry flavored cheeseball-sized cereal bits dunked in liquid nitrogen. Thus, incurring dragon breath. It was all fun and games until the cereal got stuck to my lips and I felt like Flick in "A Christmas Story" when his tongue got stuck to the flag pole. Don't believe me?! Ask the girls - they will spare no details.

I thought I might have time to take a nap so I had energy for the evening festivities, but unfortunately I had no time at all. In fact, after rushing to get ready and stopping at the grocery store, I was late to my own party. And not just fashionably late...like, really late. Sorry 'bout that, y'all.

The night was filled with food, laughter (lots and lots of laughter) and good times with friends. Their singing was something to behold - it was impressive how many different keys in which they managed to sing. But boy did they sing with gusto... probably to mask the 7845920 different keys.

By the end of the night, I was feeling like a zombie, and probably looked like one, too. So, we called it a night and I flopped in my bed and didn't get up until 1:30pm the next day. I had the realization when I woke up that turning 26 didn't really feel that different to 25. I'm guessing it will when I get kicked off my parent's health insurance in a few weeks.

At one point in my life, I was terrified of getting older. And not just because of actually getting older. My fear was that of not accomplishing certain things by certain ages. Funnily enough, as I have - you guessed it - gotten older, some of those things on my checklist seem trivial to achieve by age "fill in the blank." I know that in God's time, I will settle down, own a house, buy a new car, (maybe one day) pursue my ultimate dream, have a family.

Whether you're turning 16, 26, 66 or 76, we're all going to get older. Maybe not as old as others, but that's how it goes, it's how the cookie crumbles. And honestly, there's a lot of good things that come with age - most of which, in my experience, are pretty great. Here's to not worrying about how old we are and concerning ourselves with what the next year of age may or may not bring... Here's to living in the here and now and enjoying the time that we do have.

I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling 22. I'm feeling 26, and it feels great.


Stay awesome, possums,
Ellie

Who Else

1 bus & trailer +
11 superheroes (one of which was Wonder Woman...I'll let y'all figure out who that was) +
12,207 miles gallivanted +
21,954 happy humans +
2,745 VIP humans +
242 World Vision kids sponsored +
120+ hours of Super Smash Bros. +
50+ boxes of Lucky Charms +
1 dead Bambi +
= Friends & Family Tour 2017

That's the 60-second version of our epic six-week tour across the U.S. The six-week version would take up the rest of my life to blog, but I'm going to do my best.

Let's first paint the picture:

Of the 11 humans on the bus, 1 (hey, hi, hello, that was me) was a girl.
Of the 120+ hours of Super Smash Bros. played, I played many. What the guys won't tell you, is that there were also many hours played on Mario Kart, but because I beat them ALL THE TIME, they conveniently left that out. But now you all know the full truth.
Of the 50 boxes of Lucky Charms consumed, 48 were eaten solely by Folabi and myself. Yes, we love them. No, we did not get diabetes. Yet.

Our first chunk of the tour led us out to the West Coast. The shows were great, the weather not so much (although this is coming from a Northerner who desperately wanted cold weather). Green River, UT was the destination for our first off day and wow, was it....interesting. You could see truck stops and gas stations and hotels for miles. And not much else. Except the taco truck we found - David made me try cow tongue and I'm still having nightmares. Some of the guys formed a posse, because what better to do than that in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, and rode bikes up and down the same stretch all day. I found a dinosaur at a gas station. And that pretty much sums up Green River, UT.

We started moving South, toward Arizona and New Mexico. Both of which were still so hot, and I, still so annoyed. On our off day in Lubbock, TX, we did a number of things. Most notable are as follows: "thrifting" at a Good Will that had everything randomly thrown into piles, hanging out at a coffee shop, the first night of tie-dye (Folabi and I are taking orders for $$$ now if anyone is interested) and I had a TV dinner in the hotel room. This was also the night that Lucky Charms first made their appearance, and would pave the way for many boxes after them.

Perhaps one of my favorite off days, was in Waco, TX. As in, the land of Chip & Joanna Gaines. Simon and I looked like children experiencing their first Christmas when we arrived. Judge all you want, but it was very cool. And also hot, which was the worst, but I tried hard to push that from my mind. It's the thought that counts. Right?!

We spent a lot of time in Texas actually and our last two shows there were huge. Dallas was an outdoor show, which was actually pretty sweet. Minus all the bugs at the end of the night...sometimes I still think they're biting me. The next day we were in Houston, and all got to attend church together. Soul refreshing and spirit reviving. It was exactly what we needed. The church also blessed us with an AMAZING meal, which consequently sent me into nap mode, but alas, that could not happen. However, there was a silver lining. We were driving to Nashville that night for a day off and I was SO excited.

When we arrived in Nashville, I got off the bus as soon as I could to head home. Now, I love all these guys, but I was ready for some alone time. One can only hide in their bunk just so long before it gets claustrophobic. I ate lunch, took the LONGEST nap ever, did laundry, repacked, showered, went out for dinner with my roommate and then decided that I'd be a brown noser or whatever and made a loaf of my (famous) chocolate chip banana bread. Andy said, "you shouldn't have." I laughed. And he replied, "no, really...you shouldn't have..." And kept eating it. There was none left in the morning. I guess they liked it. Or else they're all really good liars.

Our day off in Chicago was cold and wet and rather bizarre from start to finish. BUT. I had a great time - and to John and Ray, I thank you again for breakfast. And to Marty, Folabi, Simon, John and Zeek - thank you for letting me tag along and be a semi-obnoxious tourist. I still don't understand the meaning of "the bean" but all the cool kids take pictures with it, so we did and it made this girl muy happy.

The next six days were all show days. And it was crazy. But we pushed through and made it to our day off in NYC. Being two of the few non-married humans on the tour, JoeAngel and I got to spend the day together. First of all - y'all need to understand that JoeAngel is simply one of the best human beings I know and he is a dear friend. And we got to explore and shop and eat through the city all day and it was the best. We started with Stumptown coffee and work so we could 'mostly' spend the rest of the day for fun. Next we set off for ramen and macarons. Wouldn't ya know, we found both right next to each other. I'm embarrassed to say I wore more of my ramen than I ate, but it was still delish. I bought a box of macarons and introduced JoeAngel to them for the FIRST time. Oh and Marty - I'm still salty you ate my macarons. We walked around the city shopping and taking in the sights. Dinner was the AMAZING Cuban restaurant where we ate sandwiches filled with only glorious things. We only used the subway once the entire day, and it was at the end of the night. It was necessary we save our energy for the chocolate bar we found. One word: heavenly.

Over the course of the next few days, some of us got sick, myself included. To the degree that I took a nap on a teeny, tiny couch in the crew room and started taking medicine stronger than Vitamin C the next day. Just my luck I was sick when my mom and sister came down to D.C. to surprise me on our day off. Thankfully it was a low key day of food, coffee, more food (cupcakes) and shopping. It was exactly the day I needed to push through to the end of the tour - the last five shows. The last five were fun, exciting, crazy - the perfect way to end a six-week run. I got to crowd surf on Yurtle the Turtle - and please note, I did not fall off or wipe out. If clarification is needed for that subtle jab, take a peek at Social Club's Instagram for Marty's epic crowd surfing disaster.

NOTE: If my guys are still reading this far, you're going to meet Emotional El.

The last show day was in Fort Lauderdale, right as they were getting hit with a tropical storm. It made for a crazy day, but why not have a crazy last day, right?! I kept my brain focused on work that day so I wouldn't melt into an emotional puddle. Doors opened and chaos entered. I had one (amazing) volunteer which made for a non-stop evening. I think I ate my Chipotle? I can't actually remember. The night was one to remember - poor Yurtle went through the ringer and back. Marty and David survived their wipeouts. It took all of my physical and emotional energy to get through that night. And just when I thought I would be able to push through, John came out to the stand to say goodbye. And thus I turned into a puddle. A sappy, emotional, sobbing puddle.

We made it back to Nashville and as soon as I got home, I crashed. And ordered a pizza. And slept for 13 hours.

I'll end with this. The gents on this tour are class humans and I am beyond grateful for the experiences shared and memories made. I hope they know how much they all mean to me - for taking me under their wings, letting me join in on the fun and making the Friends and Family Tour truly one of the greatest tours ever.

I love and miss you all.


Yuh yuh,
Ellie

24,880 Minutes Down, 33,120 Minutes To Go.

So I'm on the Friends & Family Tour. And while the tour isn't over, I just wanted to share a few musings.

We've currently been on the road for 17 days, and have 23 to go. I've loved every stinkin' minute of this tour - except for the bruises, those I could do without. Every day is an adventure - some are difficult, others are easy. But even on the craziest of days, the people out on this tour make it 37890156 times better. Everyone looks out for each other and does what they can to make the days smooth.

Why did I emphasize the name of the tour? I'm glad you asked. Pull up a chair. Allow me to explain.

Every night on stage, the guys recognize that this is the Friends AND Family Tour. And that it extends to not only the concertgoers, but to our crew as well. I was unsure, at the beginning of this, of how I'd 'fit in.' If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't often (if ever) listen to hip hop.

*SIDE NOTE: I don't think I've admitted that to the guys, so here's hoping my mattress doesn't end up on the top of the bus.*

But anyway, I was (admittedly) embarrassed that I wouldn't fit in, that the artists would do their thing, and the crew guys would do their thing, and I would do my own thing. I could not have been more wrong. These guys are my friends and family. They look out for the interests of everyone on the road, and make it a point to 'touch' everyone they meet. The interactions are genuine and the love is real. I sincerely hope these guys know how much they mean to me. I could go on, but I don't want the guys to think I'm a total mush, so I'll leave it at that and bring out the big guns in 23 days.

So, that's that. If you have a chance to come to a show, do it. It's crazy, it's fun, and you'll have a FANTASTIC time. (click the link. do it--> https://friendsandfamilytour.com/pages/vip)

Now to determine if I want to check out the hot tub, take a nap, eat or watch a movie. Or maybe I'll just do all of that. Why not, right?!


Who Else,
Ellie

Lions and Scarecrows and.... Flying Monkeys?! Oh My.

I've currently been away from my Southern home for exactly TWENTY-EIGHT days. Granted about half of that was spent at the beach for my pre-planned vacation.

Of course, other things "come up" which generally designate an automatic change in plans. Like the hair appointment I had to make because my stylist of 10+ years is leaving the salon I grew up going to. Like the CrossFit night that my family just couldn't miss because watching athletes do ridiculous things that make every fiber of my being ache when watching is fun and entertaining. Like flying certain days of the week being WAY more expensive than flying other days of the week. Like my Grammy collapsing during a girls day out and being rushed to the hospital. Note: she is doing well and back at her apartment. Seems to be a case of excessive dehydration. 

I say all of that because more often than not, our "plan making" is a futile attempt to make life go according to how we want it to go. Sure, a lot of times, our plans go accordingly and those are glorious days. But as {hopefully} we all know, life isn't perfect, and so we aren't always going to have those "according to plan" days and moments in our lives.

The initial "reason" for going home, was to go on a two-week vacation, at the beach. Hallelujah, AMEN. I love the beach. I've grown up going to Bethany - well, it's been a family affair since my mom and uncle were kids. What started as one week, turned into two weeks, because (thank you, Pappy) it was just absolutely ridiculous to pack all of that stuff, drive all that way and turn right back around for only one week at the beach. So two weeks it was, and shall be forevermore. Or at least I'm hoping it's forevermore because HELLO it's the beach. I'll spare you all the details of my two-week vacation, lest I desire my own mob scene from Beauty and the Beast.

Because all of the aforementioned reasons, I keep extending my trip. On one hand, I am more than fine with this, because I've been able to spend extra time with my family and friends. On the other hand though, I'm oddly ready to get back down to Nashville. I'm ready to get back into my rhythm; work so I can make money because I'm about to be SO broke that Saltines are starting to sound expensive.

While I've been home, I was able to visit my Grandma and Grandpa Keller, as well as my Grammy. We took dinner to Grandma and Grandpa and spent a seriously wonderful evening with them. We watched Grandpa's evening primroses bloom right in front of us - I know this probably sounds silly, but it was honestly one of the coolest things I've seen. I talked to Grandpa about his retirement from Transportation for Christ and how he and Grandma have started volunteering at GAIN Warehouse. He makes women's pants and gets to use this fancy machine and he is super proud of himself. He repeated a few stories, and forgot that he had told us, but it was okay, because he would tell the story even more animated than the last time. Before we left, Grandpa was telling us how he wakes up at 2am every night and can't go back to sleep. So he goes to his recliner and "rutches around" until he can get comfy, and snoozes till morning. When my cousins, siblings and I were kids, Grandpa would always take an afternoon snooze. He'd take his glasses and watch off, and drape a handkerchief across his eyes. Right as I said "handkerchief," he pulled his from out under the recliner and was quick to tell me he still does the same thing. It's always amazing to me that even with his memory issues, he still remembers things from 10+ years ago.

When my mom and I spent the day with Grammy, we expected it to be fairly "uneventful." Grammy shook things up a bit though, and passed out in a store. Now, I don't do CrossFit, but I like to think that I still have some upper body strength from my 15 years of dance. After I caught her and the EMTs got her all situated, she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. While we waited in the ER for what honestly felt like an entire day, we played tic-tac-toe and hangman; I showed her funny videos and some from my time on the road. And it was great. Grammy had to be kept overnight for observation, which lead to an eye-roll that would rival even some of my greatest eye-rolls. The hardest part, aside from catching her and seeing her completely out of it, was that she didn't remember going down. Grammy doesn't remember a lot these days. And yet, there are some things that she can remember with vivid detail. We were looking through old photo albums while my mom went for her groceries and she could tell me things that I never would have remembered on my own. The mind is a mysterious thing.

Change is inevitable. It doesn't matter if we're young or old, healthy or sick, male or female, rich or poor. Things are going to change. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It can follow our plans, or it can completely ignore our plans. No matter what though, it's easier to go with the change and adjust accordingly, rather than to fight it.

As I prepare to go home, I am reminded to make plans, but to also be ready for changes that may come. I can follow the yellow brick road all day long, singing and making friends with scarecrows and lions, but I should also be prepared to meet flying monkeys along the way.

Side note: if that last paragraph made no sense, make some popcorn and watch The Wizard of Oz. It'll clear everything up.


Country roads, take me home,
Ellie